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On this page: What is domestic violence? | Who does it happen to? | How are children exposed? | The effects on children | Safety planning | Who can I contact? | Domestic Violence Directory of Services

Domestic violence

What is domestic violence?

Domestic Violence is physical, emotional, sexual and financial abuse. It is also harassment. It can happen between adults who are, or have been intimate partners or family members, and regardless of their gender or sexuality. It forms a pattern of coercive and controlling behaviour.

Domestic violence may include a range of abusive behaviours, not all of which are in themselves inherently 'violent'. Examples of the different types of domestic violence are/can include:

Physical abuse

  • Hitting
  • Slapping
  • Punching
  • Biting
  • Pulling hair
  • Burning

Emotional abuse

  • Being constantly put down in front of other people
  • Being verbally abused and humiliated
  • Being constantly blamed for things
  • Being isolated from friends and family

Sexual abuse

  • Rape
  • Forced vaginal or anal penetration by fingers of other objects
  • Being forced to watch pornography
  • Being spoken to in a sexually degrading way
  • Indecent phone calls

Financial abuse

  • Having to account for everything you spend
  • Having money taken from you
  • Being kept without money

Harassment

  • Being watched
  • Being followed
  • Being pestered
  • Receiving unwanted phone calls or text messages

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Who does it happen to?

Research shows that domestic violence is most commonly experienced by women and perpetrated by men. Any one can experience domestic violence regardless of race, ethnic or religious group, class, disability or lifestyle.

Domestic violence can also take place in lesbian, gay, bi-sexual and transgender relationships, and can involve other family members, including children.

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How are children and young people exposed to domestic violence?


Children and young people can 'witness domestic violence' in a variety of ways. Below is a list of some of the examples:
  • They may be in the same room and may even get caught in the middle of an incident in an effort to make the violence stop.
  • They may be in the room next door and hear the abuse or see their mother's physical injuries following an incident of violence.
  • They may be forced to stay in one room or may not be allowed to play.
  • They may be forced to witness sexual abuse or they may be forced to take part in verbally abusing the victim.

All children witnessing domestic violence are being emotionally abused.

From 31 January 2005, Section 120 of the Adoption and Children Act 2002 came into force, which extends the legal definition of harming children to include harm suffered by seeing or hearing ill treatment of others, especially in the home (domestic violence).

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What are the effects of domestic violence on children and young people?

The majority of children and young people witness the violence that is occurring and in about half of all domestic violence situations, they are also being directly abused themselves.

A child or young person can experience both short and long term cognitive, behavioural and emotional effects. Each child and young person will respond differently to trauma and some may be more resilient and not exhibit any negative effects.

A child or young person's responses to the trauma of witnessing Domestic Violence may vary according to a multitude of factors including, but not limited to, age, race, sex and stage of development. It is equally important to remember that the common effects experienced by a child or young person can also be caused by something other than witnessing domestic violence and therefore a thorough assessment of a child or young person's situation is vital to ensure appropriate treatment.

Children and young people are individuals and may respond to witnessing abuse in different ways. These are some of the effects described in a briefing by the Royal College of Psychiatrists (2004):

  • They may become anxious or depressed
  • They may have difficulty sleeping
  • They have nightmares or flashbacks
  • They can be easily startled
  • They may complain of physical symptoms such as tummy aches
  • They may start to wet their bed
  • They may have temper tantrums
  • They may behave as though they are much younger
  • They may have problems with school
  • They may become aggressive or they may internalise their distress and withdraw from other people
  • They may have a lowered sense of self-worth
  • Older children may begin to play truant or start to use alcohol or drugs
  • They may begin to self-harm by taking overdoses or cutting themselves
  • They may have an eating disorder
  • Children may also feel angry, guilty, insecure, alone, frightened, powerless or confused. They may have ambivalent feelings towards the abuser and the non-abusing parent.

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What is 'Safety Planning'?

Safety Planning is about thinking about what you already do to avoid violence and developing a plan of action if things get more dangerous and you feel you have to leave your home.

An emergency plan can include:

  • Being able to call a friend or relative
  • Being able to ask a neighbour to call the police on your behalf
  • Somewhere safe to go
  • Some emergency money or phone credit so you can make an emergency call or journey
  • An emergency bag with clothes and important documents
  • A list of emergency numbers
  • Access to money (perhaps set up an account in your own name)

Above all it is important to keep yourself and your children safe.This information will hopefully allow you to explore the options available to you if you do decide to leave an abusive relationship.

Violence frequently gets worse when you leave and start to become more independent, so planning ahead is a sensible option. Getting some help from one or more of the agencies listed in the Domestic Violence Directory of Services will give you more confident to take the practical steps necessary to start leading a life free of from violence.

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Who can I call and where can I get help?

If you think you are in an abusive relationship and want to stop the violence or leave, there are a number of agencies that can help you. You are not alone and do not have to suffer in silence.

Below is listed some of the agencies in the Wandsworth Borough that can offer you advice and support around domestic violence. For more detailed list, see Domestic Violence Directory of Services.

In an emergency please call 999.

Local Services

Wandsworth Safety Net - Offers ongoing support and information to anyone who has, or is currently, experiencing domestic violence.
Bedford House, 215 Balham High Road, SW17 7BQ
Tel. (020) 8767 1641 Fax (020) 8247 5409 Mon to Fri 9.00am-5.00pm 
Email: vs.wandsworth@vslondon.org

Victim Support Wandsworth - Offers ongoing support and information to anyone who has, or is currently, experiencing domestic violence. Victim support also provides a young Person's Service to 10-16 year old who has been affected by crime and/or domestic violence, etc.
231a Lavender Hill, Battersea, SW11 1JR
Tel. (020) 7223 1234 Fax (020) 7223 0444  Mon to Fri 9.00am-5.00pm

Wandsworth Women's Aid - Provides a service to women and children experiencing domestic violence.
Tel. (020) 8871 2664 Mon to Fri 9.00am-5.00pm 
Email: support@wandsworthwa.org.uk

Imani family support project - Parenting support to women and their children who have left or are living in abusive relationships.
Battersea Central Mission, PO Box 17, London, SW11 3QE
Tel. (020) 7207 1117 Fax (020) 7924 1491 Mon to Fri 9.00am-5.00pm

Shanti Women's Aid - Provides advice, support, information and short-term emergency housing, for Asian women and children fleeing domestic violence.
PO Box 407, London, SW18 2TP
Tel. (020) 8874 7262 Mon to Fri 9.00am-5.00pm

South London African Women's Organisation - Provides counselling and advice to survivors of domestic violence from the African community.
PO Box 2635, Mitcham, Surrey, CR4 3XG
Tel. 0800 800 444 - 24 hour helpline
Email: africaslawo@aol.com

ASHA Project  - Support for Asian women with children who have been subjected to domestic violence.
13 Shrubbery Road, Streatham Hill, SW16 2AS 
Tel. (020) 8696 0023
Email: asha1@cix.co.uk

Mushkil Aasaan  - Free confidential advice, information and support for asian families.
220-222 Upper Tooting Road, London, SW17 7EW
Tel. (020) 8672 6581 Fax (020) 6862 3054
Email: muskilaasaan@btconnect.com

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Emergency and Out Of Hours Services

Battersea Police Station - 112-118 Battersea Bridge Road London SW1 3AF
Tel: (020) 7350 1122

Wandsworth Police Station - 146 Wandsworth High Street Wandsworth London SW18 4JJ
Tel. (020) 7350 1122

National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline  - 24hour helpline providing access to emergency refuge accommodation and information about domestic violence issues and safety planning.
Tel. 0808 2000 247

St George's Healthcare Trust  - 24 hour, seven days a week, emergency services, including senior accident and emergency staff and equipped to deal with serious injuries and illnesses.
Accident and Emergency Department, Ground Floor, St James Wing, Blackshaw Road, Tooting, SW17 0QT
Tel. (020) 8672 1222

Victim Support - This helpline is available from 9.00am-9.00pm Mon to Fri; 9.00am-7.00pm on weekends and 9.00am-5.00pm on bank holidays.
Tel. 0845 303 0900

The Samaritans - 24 hour helpline that offers confidential, emotional support for people who are experiencing feelings of distress or despair, including those that may lead to suicide
Tel. 0845 790 9090

ChildLine - Free 24 hour helpline for children in distress or danger
Tel. 0800 1111

Wandsworth Children's Specialist Services
Tel. (020) 8871 6000 After 6.00pm during weekdays, on weekends and bank holidays

The Children's Refuge - 24 hour emergency service for people under 16 who need a safe place to stay and are unable to stay at home or with their carers.
Tel. 0800 389 2168